When we began this adoption process almost two years ago, we went into it with "blind" faith. Over the course of our process, we have learned an incredible amount of information that has opened our eyes to the reality of the needs of an adopted child. Much of what an adopted child needs a newborn infant is wired to do at birth. It is a process called "Attatching and Bonding". The newborn naturally attatches to their mother. This process occurs as the child has a need and the mother meets that childs need building trust in the bonding relationship. Some of this process has been interrupted in the life of the adopted child. What does this mean for our family?
1) We will be strangers to Evan. We have to help him learn to trust us as his Dad and Mom, sisters and brother.
2) We will have to treat him "younger" than his physical age. He will be starting over emotionally. You may see us "spoiling" him more than a child his age would be treated. Please remember that we have to go back in time to fill in missing gaps before we can move forward.
3) We will have PFI now. What is that you ask? Private Family Information. There are parts of Evan's story and background that we will keep private. As he grows and we feel it is appropriate, we will share this information with him. We will then give HIM the freedom to share whatever he feels comfortable with. With an adopted child, they have lost almost everything that defines who they are. We want to keep the things that are precious to who God has made him and how He patterned his life special to Evan. Please feel free to ask anything about our adoption journey. Please allow us to have the discretion over what we share about his life.
A helpful website I have found that answers a lot of questions about what life should be like for the adopted child the first weeks and months after placement is : http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=57&Itemid=78
Feel free to read up so you can help us help Evan!
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3 comments:
I just wanted to let you know that we will be praying for you as you travel and adjust to the time change and to bringing Evan into your family! It is an amazing and beautiful thing but it is an adjustment so make sure you allow yourself the grace to fail too. You will be just the family Even needs to support and love him and I am truly excited for you guys!
Looking forward to hearing how things go for you in Vietnam
Have a GREAT trip! Enjoy every minute and love that little guy! If you have any questions or if we can help in any way, please email us. We have btdt twice! Can't wait to hear more!!!!!
Jackie Wetzel
Very well said.
Have a great trip. I can't wait to see pics of your son in your arms.
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